Building Healthy Boundaries

Learning To Say NO!

Saying "No" can be difficult. Gain the understanding to develop healthy boundaries and the strength to enforce them.

LifeStar Counseling can help you:

  • Establishing healthy relationship perimeters and developing the strength to keep those perimeters
  • Handling peer pressure
  • Doing right when others encourage you to do wrong
  • Learning to say YES to your “yes” and NO to your “no”

We live in a world where assertiveness can turn into aggressiveness and boundaries can often seem very blurry. Manipulation, guilt trips, pressure and even subtle threats often are used by others to get us on board with their agenda. It isn’t easy to know when to say “Yes” and when to say “No”. Even if we know what we really want to say, do we have the strength and fortitude to say what we want to say in that moment? It is so easy to cave to the pressures being put on us from the outside and end up in a place doing something we really don’t want to do.

Resentment and anger can build up from constantly not being true to your own self. A negative cycle can begin that robs each day of happiness and joy. Being controlled by other people’s “choices” can leave you feeling trapped and closed in without the freedom to be true to yourself.

The truth is that we always have a choice. We just need to learn to own our own choices. There are tools and resources that can strengthen and encourage us to make our own choices that are true to what we really believe and want to do. One simple tool is to ask for time before making a decision. Often those who are seeking to get us on board with their agenda insist it is urgent and a decision needs to be made right now. However that is seldom the case. Simply asking for some time to think about the decision will help you clarify in your own heart and mind what your true choice will be.

Boundaries impact every area of our lives including time management, parenting, relationships, the workplace, and even church. And even if we have healthy boundaries, what do we do with the people in our lives that insist on rolling into our own life with their own bulldozer agenda? Learning how to navigate healthy boundaries and keeping our own boundaries safe from those that try to bulldoze their way into our lives is a lifelong process.

woman with hand raised
woman facing away from crowd
couple on oposite side of wall


"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."
Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, author of "On Death and Dying"
"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."
Beverly Sills, former American opera soprano
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain...
-Vivian Greene
"Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning."
Gloria Steinem, American journalist and political activist
"You have to imagine it possible before you can see something. You can have the evidence right in front of you, but if you can't imagine something that has never existed before, it's impossible."
Rita Dove, first African-American poet laureate of the U.S.
"Our deepest wishes are whispers of our authentic selves. We must learn to respect them. We must learn to listen."
Sarah Ban Breathnach
"Woman must not accept; she must challenge. She must not be awed by that which has been built up around her; she must reverence that woman in her which struggles for expression."
Margaret Sanger, founder of Planned Parenthood
"We never know how high we are Till we are called to rise; And then, if we are true to plan, Our statures touch the skies."
Betty Friedan, author of "The Feminine Mystique"
"Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your curiosity. It's your place in the world; it's your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."
Mae C. Jemison, first African-American woman astronaut
"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship."
Louisa May Alcott, author of "Little Women"

Appointment Request

If you would like to request an appointment with Christi Lange of LifeStar Counseling, please submit our APPOINTMENT REQUEST form below.


Contact LifeStar

LifeStar Counseling
13901 NE 175th Street
Suite F
Woodinville, WA 98072

Crisis Lines

If you are in crisis, call 911 or your local crisis line, which are available 24 hours a day.

Crisis Line in Snohomish County
425-258-4357 or 1-800-584-3578

Crisis Line in King County:
206-461-3222 or 1-866-427-4747